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ACTUALLY NEVERMIND.

I’m going to make a separate blog where no one knows who I am to brainstorm lyrics and keep an endometriosis-depression-Lupron journal.  My public, main blog will continue on at http://www.alexialiebert.tumblr.com

"..And it was that night that I realized: Within the past year, I’ve thought the the decisions I’ve made at times were dumb and naive. But what was actually dumb and naive was all my life before that I spent thinking that I could plan, control, dictate, and predict life. I’ve spent my many selves, being ultimately a dominating Queen at the core, a puppet master, playing the chess of life. There have been so many times that I’ve felt that I couldn’t learn more, yet here I am again. And it makes me wonder what the hell could possibly be left. I used to live with no regrets, because all of those occurrences made me who I am, no matter how unbearable. Yet now, I live with the regret that I hadn’t cherished those moments more deeply. When you’ve blindly led yourself down a tunnel of knives, enduring the pain just for the small moments in between that bring you bliss, you just might get to the end and wonder where it all went, knowing that no matter how intelligent you are that you would do it all again just to feel the way you did in those moments. I know I wish, that even in both my happiest and darkest times, that I’d have written it all down, because in years to come.. I won’t even know why I felt this way."
-(via alexialiebert)
"You’re so brutal to those who love you, Scarlett. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip."
-Rhett Butler to Scarlett in Margaret Mitchell’s ‘Gone with the Wind’ (via timeferret)
"Never judge others. You both know good and well how unexpected events can change who a person is. Always keep that in mind. You never know what someone else is experiencing within their own life."
-Colleen Hoover, Slammed (via psych-quotes)
"Mmm, I get it, give me a little credit
I remember when I was that pathetic;
Wear my scars on my sleeve, for all the world to see.
Like, look what they did to me quick;
lay on the sympathy thick.
You probably have the right to feel how you do,
You were mistreated and cheated out of the childhood you needed.
And now you’ll never succeed if you’re so convinced you’re defeated.
If you’re obsessed with your yesterday then you’re destined to repeat it.
And I know it’s not your fault, it never is, is it, is it, is it?"
-Icon For Hire “Sorry about your parents.”  (via alexialiebert)
"And the beat goes on, drone drone like a metronome
Day in and day out I know how the story gonna go
Typical, typical, tongue tied and weak willed
Stuck on the sedative, evidently to sleep well
But I haven’t slept in days, I haven’t dreamt in nights
I’ve been busy building theories I just can’t wait to try
See, I think the beat’s made to drown out the sound of the boom boom while they shoot our last hope down
Pop culture does nothing for me
The American dream mainstream just bores me
‘Cause I’m not like you, I’m immune, I’m immune
Say it over and over until it comes true
Pop culture does nothing for me
The American dream mainstream just bores me
And we all act like we see right through it
When we all know we’re addicted to it"
-"Pop Culture" - Icon For Hire (via alexialiebert)

Where did ambition escape to?

I took on all the world, never thought I’d be buried alive when my drive to stay above laid down and died.

Where did that decision come from?

I guess I just thought that we are who we ought to be.  This bitch in the mirror just isn’t me.

But it’s such a pretty day to waste inside.

And your eyeliner turned out too well just to cry.

Don’t waste this outfit on being down today.

Oh wait, I don’t make my own decisions anyway.

What the fuck am I still here for anyway?

These concrete walls hold no love for me.  If I never came back, they’d still stand happily.

Why don’t you go move on?

In my mind, these walls contain years of broken-down memories that haunt me in my sleep and taunt me about what used to be; I swear I remember laughing and smiling, and I just honestly can’t tell you why.

But it’s such a pretty day to waste inside.

And your eyeliner turned out too well just to cry.

Don’t waste this outfit on being down today.

Oh wait, I don’t make my own decisions anyway.

And I think the hardest part is staying on track.  It’s easy to have ambition, but it matters whole-heartedly where it’s at.  If it revolves around your temporary high to lean into, then what the hell is there to come back to?  Oh, god they’re starting to notice, that even you are losing focus. You’re just there for the ride, no passion inside, oh my God, have I died? 

All that waits behind you are ten more people who can do it just as well as you do.  If you give it up now, you’ll be looking back at someone who used their numbness as a trait, not a flaw.

And it’s such a pretty day to waste inside.

Your eyeliner turned out too well just to cry.

Don’t waste this outfit on being down today.

(Waking up daily is becoming a bit excessive, don’t you think?)

So go get your things, play the same damn routine, you’re stuck on repeat, you’re falling asleep in the nightmare of what you let yourself create.  Go make your own decisions anyway.

All of her good memories here are fading out to desperational evny that she holds toward a time when things were “better”.

She’s resentful. 

She remembers every single detail except for how she used to appreciate the moment.  Memories are useless fantasies that make loving the present seem futile. 

She’s bitter. 

She no longer understands how to let go and practice what she’s preached.

And I feel that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

I can tell, I can feel that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

The road to regret was paved with good intentions.

Every little mistake started out with someone thinking “this is just a game”.

Oh, no, it’s that playful little innocent thing that lures the cat into its grave, the eternal sin knows as curiosity.

(She’s resentful.)

Engaged the monster in me, and she pridefully, relentlessly pressed on hard for an uphill battle.

Survival is all she knows.

She’s addicted to the fight, battle, the misery; she’s seen that she’ll win in the end.

She’ll look back on the defeated like she’s done them a favor, she’s made it all better, pretty like a poisionous flower- from a far.

Then suddenly it comes crashing in that she can’t keep going forever.  No more running, no more clean breaks, you made your choice a long time ago.

No longer can she involve herself, can’t just close her eyes and jump.

(She’s bitter.)

The last time you did it for the long run.

(the last time you did it for the long run)

But she drags it out so painfully thinking there must be something she can do. 

Existing in a depraved whirlwind of drama that comes back to her.

But her hands are tied, she’s screwed this time, she can’t make it any better without sacrificing something else.

She convinced herself if he’d just give in and be fixed without her having to break anymore walls down, that would fix it.

She died inside, giving up this time, it’s killing everything she stood for.

She can’t keep giving her gun away when it’s loaded.

She could cut the tie, let it go this time, and walk away with her head held high only as not to see the blood upon her palms.

Just fool yourself; say it’d all go back to how it was before you walked into these walls.

But it won’t, no it won’t.  The failed attempt is a scar on them, and a lifetime of regret. 

And she’ll never let it go, because she never reached the end.  She’ll always wonder what would have been.

He started the game, but didn’t give in like the rest.  The queen is off her throne right now and she can’t see through the smoke. 

He’s the her this time, she way played her own hand, how dare anyone think they could fix her? 

Endless battle of wills; this time there is no end and she’ll never find her closure.

And she knows, and she feels that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

She can tell, She can feel that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

Oh, and at the top of the hill if there’s nothing to win 

All she has are the memories of how it all began.

She looks back on those in distain and anger because she knows there’s no foward from here.

This place is used up, it’s time to go- but where? This time she’s not prepared.

Those living dreams will haunt her sleep because she’s tied to the nightmare that’s become of me.

And she knows, and she feels that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

I can tell, I can feel that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

(It’s all in your mind, just keep your mouth shut.  You know you really don’t want to make it worse.)

And she knows, and she feels that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

I can tell, I can feel that this will be the one,

this will be the one that breaks her.

(I should let him pretend to not need me, but instead I want to force him to see.  I get him to admit, one step forward, but two steps back for me.)

This will be the one that breaks me.

I can’t breathe cause this will be the one that breaks me.

From here on out…

This blog isn’t a back up to my alexialiebert blog, as clearly it’s been inactive.  But now it’s a place to brainstorm ideas based on quotes I’ve said throughout the years and lyrics my band is putting together in some hope of getting inspiration back to write.